Nick on the Town

This years State Fair starts on Aug. 15th and I’ll give you a full review at that time, but for now let me introduce the proud group of performers lucky enough to grace this year’s main stage. Sure, people associate State Fair concerts with washed up losers, but if you think Grand Funk Railroad and Chicago (minus Peter Cetera) are washed up, then you’ve got some serious issues.

All concerts are free, but for most of them you can purchase special “Gold Circle” tickets to get closer to the action.

Here’s this year’s entertainment:

The really great thing about Smashmouth, outside of those two songs they have, is that you can claim to be their drummer in an effort to pick up chicks because nobody knows what that guy looks like. Sadly though, the plan is flawed as he doesn’t get chicks either.

AUG 16 – Doodlebops Live
I’m not sure who/what this is. Don’t care to.

AUG 18 – Weird Al Yankovic
This is one you can’t miss with. I liked him when I was 4, I like him now. Screw you for judging me. I challenge you to find a more perfect song than “Girls Just Wanna Have Lunch.”

This is a group of grown men pretending to be a group of more talented, more successful grown men. If you’re into that kinda thing, then buy yourself a ticket to this show…oh wait, it’s free…even for the “Gold Circle.”

Again, I dunno who this is, but her “Gold Circle” tickets are three times as much as the Doodlebops so she must be good. I guess she’s British or somethin’.

Growing up, I loved the girl’s voice from Air Supply. Twenty-something years later and she’s still got it. Turns out she’s a dude though.

According to wikipedia, Vanessa Hudgens had a a career prior to nude photos of her being posted on the Internet. While that may or may not be true I know she’s a Disney superstar and that even though she’s no Hannah Montana she’s as close as the State Fair is gonna get.

Finally, some country music. Have you ever seen that video where Gary Allan rides that motorcycle all over the place? I saw it once and I think it was pretty good. Anyhow, I got nuthin’ against Gary Allan.

AUG 25 – Jessica Simpson

Yes, that Jessica Simpson. This is a huge pull for the State Fair. Simpson is only slightly past her prime, has recently turned into a country singer and is still real decent lookin’. What’s not to like about that? “Gold Circle” tix are $40 so start savin’ those pennies.

This is what’s left of the band War. So little is left that they can’t even use the name “War” anymore. That doesn’t necessarily mean they can’t play the hell out of “Low Rider.” Maybe someday the drummer from Aerosmith will do the fair circuit with his new band “The Janie’s got a Gun Band.”

Chicago is the only American band to have a top 40 album in five different decades. This is especially impressive considering they only have like one good song. Anyhow, your parents will love this show.

I’ve seen this name around for a while. Not sure who he is though. I guess he’s a well-respected jazz guy. If you know who is, you should probably go see this. If you don’t know who he is, there’s always the Tilt-a-Whirl.

“You don’t know Grand Funk?! The wild shirtless antics of Mark Farner? The bong-rattling bass of Mel Schacher? The competent drumwork of Don Brewer?” – Homer Simpson

Judging by the photo, this guy is awesome. Makes me wish I knew Spanish. As it is, I know nothing about him or where he buys his suits.